One would have thought it was colonialism – racism perhaps – or the *currentrampant misogyny that would have brought me to this *supernova moment. But no – and honestly you could have knocked me over with a feather – it was pockets! To be specific women’s pockets. Well – cockadoodledo – and welcome to the rodeo.
The injustice of being lady pocket prohibited seems minor – it’s brushasideable as compared to – say – genocide – the destruction of the environment – I mean you pick – all definitely more important and protest worthy than not being allowed to have a pocket – or is it? OF COURSE IT FUCKING IS but the lack of pockets is still important and represents the insidious way women have been controlled.
I’d been hearing rumblings about pockets – or the lack thereof in the last few years. Feminists and other learned ones writing essays and being interviewed on the topic of pockets – London’s Victoria & Albert Museum having an exhibition on said pocket pinching. Who stole the pockets and why? The more I thought about it the pissier I got – not pretty – ask PBH (poorbastardhusband). Soooooo let me get this straight – on top of all the other fuckadoodle bullshittery – burning at the stake – sex slavery – slavery in general – inequality in most ways – we (her/she) were also not allowed to actually HAVE a pocket to put our ‘things’ in. So – who’s afraid of the big bad pocket – little baby French men as it turns out – quelle surpreeze. The French Revolution – good times. Women were not allowed pockets and Napoleon gets one named after him – well bollocks to that!
“An 1899 New York Times piece makes the somewhat tongue-in-cheek claim that civilization itself is founded on pockets. “As we become more civilized, we need more pockets,” the piece says, “No pocketless people has ever been great since pockets were invented, and the female sex cannot rival us while it is pocketless.”
What’s the big deal you ask – I asked that too – and hippity hop down the rabbit hole I went. Between me – delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol – and the stars – I figured it out – TADA.
It started with not wanting those sneaky women to be carrying things about: weapons (lady knives – that sort of thing) or secret messages (eat after reading category), or MONEY. Nooooooo the real fear was of our THOUGHTS. Once there is not much left to oppress – you have to go after the thoughts. Orwell knew this – but like all of us, he was a product of the patriarchy so even his opines on women are a bit tweaky. In the 1940s when he wrote 1984, Rosie the Riveter was only allowed pockets because they were in the men’s clothing she was wearing.
My English grandmother was handed a pair of men’s coveralls complete with pockets when she showed up for the war effort to paint battleships of some sort. “You can take that apron off now dear” (well until you get home and have to make dinner).
“settle down little missy – you got lots of purdy purses to put your bits and pieces”
the PATRIARCHY
Fast forward 75 years or so et voila we have pockets although surprise surprise inequity still exists. Last winter my husband and I needed new winter jackets. Both from the same company, both had hoods, both had a warm cozy lining, and both had pockets. My jacket has 2 pockets, but Dean’s jacket has 7!!!
Just look at the smug look on his face. Hands in pockets and room for all the bananas…
Not that I’m overly competitive but when a friend’s partner was selling his (bless small men as their clothes fit me) uber groovy jacket I snapped it up, and full bragging rights here – MY jacket (ergo a WOMAN’S jacket) has 11 pockets. It even has this weird little pocket on the back left shoulder – just enough room for my secret pocket thoughts, and perhaps a small knife.
The look of POCKET ecstasy on my face says it all – you can see the serotonin being released!!! What to do with all those bananas…
Deep POCKETS – If an organization or person has deep pockets, they have a lot of money (so the deeper the better!)
To POCKET– to take and keep (especially money) hmmm there is that $ thang again. Thieve, purloin, embezzle, expropriate, appropriate, misappropriate, swipe, filtch.
POCKET – small isolated area – the last patch of dirty snow
POCKET – sports reference – an opening at the corner or on the side of a billiard table into which balls are struck. (take whatever opening you see and go for it!)
‘eight ball corner POCKET’ – being confident in the fact that you are done, as you would be in making a corner shot in a pool game, or perhaps fucking with the P.
POCKET size – suitable for carrying in a pocket ie. pocket pooch, pocket warmer, pocket thoughts…
an air POCKET – a small place to breathe in a submerged vehicle, in the crook of the person that is trying to kill you’s arm – that sort of thing.
currentrampant misogyny – Rampant indeed, but CURRENT is the real misnomer as current is belonging to the present time/happening or being used or done now (thank you Oxford dictionary) but according to my initial research we’re talking roughly 6,000 years with roots in Mesopotamia. It would be rather sweeping to say there has been rampant misogyny for all these millenia but women’s position has been subordinate to say the least.
current (ALSO and I am delighted to report) A body of water or air moving in a definite direction, especially through a surrounding body of water or air in which there is less movement. Let’s be the current in the sea of patriarchal bullshit!
supernova – Any of a class of violently exploding stars whose luminosity after eruption suddenly increases many millions of times its normal level. (oh to be that star!!!)
fuckthepatriarchy.ART 